[He wants to snap again when Hiiragi rushes ahead with that assumption, wants to spit out all the words simmering deep inside of him and stop that train of thought where it stands. As if he could wish to anyone else? A girl, what does he want with some stupid girl? How could he look at her and find her attractive when it’s Hiiragi he wants? If there is one thing Shizu knows, he has the desire, wants, needs, and love inside him, but they will never be something he can give to anyone but Hiiragi.
And what hurts the most is the train of thought that Hiiragi is following for him, is the one Shizu is spiraling down in regards to his friend. Can he be so selfish, take advantage of this situation, and take what he so desperately wants, use the excuse to touch Hiiragi? To share a bed with him, to live with him so that every moment they are together, alone with no one or anything to stop them?
Does he hold on that tight, fix himself so quickly to access this energy that Hiiragi doesn’t find someone else? He wants to grab Hiiragi and tell him that he wants to hold him and only him every night for the rest of his life. But he doesn’t.
Instead, Shizusumi does what he always does; he shuts what he feels inside, holds it all in behind a stoic expression and even tone. While inside, he is dying, burning to ashes, and realizing he is more than just an asshole; he is the biggest asshole in the world because he is going to be selfish. He will take advantage of this situation and agree to this; it will seem as if he is following Hiiragi as he always does.
He will be selfish till Hiiragi finds someone else, then as much as it will kill him, the drummer will step aside. His heart is racing in his chest, thumping so hard he is sure Hiiragi can hear it; if he steps in any closer, he will feel it and yet Shizu wants to hold him, beg him to stay with him, much the way Hiiragi is him.
Except he thinks this is just Hiiragi being nervous, worrying that he won’t get enough chroma before he gets a girlfriend and doesn’t need Shizu anymore.]
We can….
[He pauses, should leave it at that, he should not hope for more than what he has, this world is already complicating his life while at the same time giving him his heart’s desire. If he says anything more, will he give himself away?]
no subject
And what hurts the most is the train of thought that Hiiragi is following for him, is the one Shizu is spiraling down in regards to his friend. Can he be so selfish, take advantage of this situation, and take what he so desperately wants, use the excuse to touch Hiiragi? To share a bed with him, to live with him so that every moment they are together, alone with no one or anything to stop them?
Does he hold on that tight, fix himself so quickly to access this energy that Hiiragi doesn’t find someone else? He wants to grab Hiiragi and tell him that he wants to hold him and only him every night for the rest of his life. But he doesn’t.
Instead, Shizusumi does what he always does; he shuts what he feels inside, holds it all in behind a stoic expression and even tone. While inside, he is dying, burning to ashes, and realizing he is more than just an asshole; he is the biggest asshole in the world because he is going to be selfish. He will take advantage of this situation and agree to this; it will seem as if he is following Hiiragi as he always does.
He will be selfish till Hiiragi finds someone else, then as much as it will kill him, the drummer will step aside. His heart is racing in his chest, thumping so hard he is sure Hiiragi can hear it; if he steps in any closer, he will feel it and yet Shizu wants to hold him, beg him to stay with him, much the way Hiiragi is him.
Except he thinks this is just Hiiragi being nervous, worrying that he won’t get enough chroma before he gets a girlfriend and doesn’t need Shizu anymore.]
We can….
[He pauses, should leave it at that, he should not hope for more than what he has, this world is already complicating his life while at the same time giving him his heart’s desire. If he says anything more, will he give himself away?]
It will make it easier till you start dating.