[ If this conversation had happened days, even weeks after the events at the Guanyin temple, these words would have destroyed Xichen.
But it has been months and months, with only memories and regrets to keep him company. And Lan Xichen is a social person. Unlike his brother, he fares well when he is close to people, when he can shape himself to the expectations of others and excel at them, become the best version of himself... according to others.
Being left alone for so long, with the guilt of what his actions led to happening to Nie Mingjue, with Jin Guangyao's final words which cut deeper than anything Xichen had known, and they kept on repeating, over and over, in his waking hours and his dreams, scant as his sleeping time has grown...
It's not that he's grown stronger. But his pain threshold has been brought up, on sheer strength of enduring pain with no relief for so long.
Instead of crumbling, Xichen tilts his head slightly. ]
Your body is whole, here. It means that you have a chance for finding different choices.
[ This... is the closest Xichen will get to pushing him down the stairs of the tower. Not close at all, really. But still...
He doesn't believe A-Yao's words, about him not blaming Xichen. He doesn't bring it up, because he doesn't think it matters. He doesn't think he matters. It's there in his absence of response, or even reaction, however. ]
no subject
But it has been months and months, with only memories and regrets to keep him company. And Lan Xichen is a social person. Unlike his brother, he fares well when he is close to people, when he can shape himself to the expectations of others and excel at them, become the best version of himself... according to others.
Being left alone for so long, with the guilt of what his actions led to happening to Nie Mingjue, with Jin Guangyao's final words which cut deeper than anything Xichen had known, and they kept on repeating, over and over, in his waking hours and his dreams, scant as his sleeping time has grown...
It's not that he's grown stronger. But his pain threshold has been brought up, on sheer strength of enduring pain with no relief for so long.
Instead of crumbling, Xichen tilts his head slightly. ]
Your body is whole, here. It means that you have a chance for finding different choices.
[ This... is the closest Xichen will get to pushing him down the stairs of the tower. Not close at all, really. But still...
He doesn't believe A-Yao's words, about him not blaming Xichen. He doesn't bring it up, because he doesn't think it matters. He doesn't think he matters. It's there in his absence of response, or even reaction, however. ]