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prismaticrap2020-10-09 03:32 am
prismods) wrote in prismaticrap2020-10-09 03:32 am
▶ TDM .020
You awaken amidst the darkness with only a faint light to greet you. Your body is hemmed in by shards of crystals, gently sparkling and possibly pricking your skin. The surrounding landscape is dyed in the pinks and purples of the dusk filled with crystals protruding from the ground, some as large as a skyscraper. After an hour or two of wandering through the crystal wilderness, a group of people find you worse for wear. They are the gallant Moon Knights from the planet of Prismatica. Because of the strange phenomena during the past months when scientists observed the sudden appearance of rainbow crystals in the sky, the government has been feverishly combing through the moon for more Moonblessed to be rescued. You’ll eventually be brought into Iris’s moon government center.
You all may have your usual inquiries — Where are we? Who are you? What's going on? — and the Prismals are almost too eager to answer. They tell you about their world and about the first appearance of the Moonblessed as the medical staff give you an examination to make sure you’re not carrying any viruses or biological hazards. If you react violently, you may be restrained and nerfed with a specialized neurotransmitting gun that releases a numbing agent through the top of your spine. Once the examinations are over, you’re informed that you will be provided accommodations on their planet during your stay. You will then be escorted to the docks, and led onto a large transport vessel that makes frequent trips back and forth between the Iris moon and the planet. Faces onboard vary from both old and new Moonblessed as well as the local Prismals.
The next destination: Prismatica.
▶ Welcome to the Jungle
Iris Moon, Government Center (Arrival) and Planet Prismatica, City of Lunatia | top
Welcome to Prismatica’s hub, Lunatia, the city of your dreams! A bustling metropolis lush with bright lights, vibrant colors, luxuriant plant life, and all the conveniences of technology absent from your own world… It seems like paradise to all the uninitiated. After a quick tour of the city, new arrivals can find themselves getting cozy in their new homes.
A Settle in your new home at Level 2 to find new roommates and say hello to your neighbors! City officials will give you directions to the designated districts across Level 2 and instruct you to pick out a unit. Each apartment complex has a different aesthetic, some may look cozy, some stylish, and some bizarre. The free accommodations have a basic living space that can only fit two or three people at most in one unit.
Starter Chromaspace furnishings are provided which can be controlled with the touch of a built-in panel. Examples are color-changing curtains, transforming sofa beds, cabinets turning into tables, etc. Customizing your apartment or moving out will have to wait until you earn more chroma. Until then, why don’t you check out your new neighborhood or explore the city levels? Maybe your new roommates or neighbors can give you a “hand” with allowance for dinner.
Starter Chromaspace furnishings are provided which can be controlled with the touch of a built-in panel. Examples are color-changing curtains, transforming sofa beds, cabinets turning into tables, etc. Customizing your apartment or moving out will have to wait until you earn more chroma. Until then, why don’t you check out your new neighborhood or explore the city levels? Maybe your new roommates or neighbors can give you a “hand” with allowance for dinner.
▶ It’s Close to Midnight, Something Evil is Lurking in the Dark
10/08 - 10/25 | Level 1, Lunatia Square | top
Around this time, the Lunatians start preparing for what would normally be Geistnacht. However, given the recent revelation of Aracht as one of the Beasts of the Calamity, the locals have made the decision to change that holiday and have instead chosen to adopt the Moonblessed’s “Halloween” instead.
Thus, you may have found yourself approached by some curious Lunatians over the last week or so, interviewing you about your customs in an attempt to get closer to the Moonblessed as well as break away from celebration of any symbolism relating to the Beasts. The results of their efforts start to take shape this week as they welcome everyone to Lunatia Square for the planet’s first ever Halloween festival.
Rows upon rows of booths are lined with eager Lunatians in costumes of things that they believe cause the Moonblessed the most fear. You might find one Lunatian dressed in a t-shirt that says “crippling tax debt” while others have t-shirts that say “spiders,” “student loans,” or “commitment.” They will eagerly invite you to bob for apples, smash the ugly Ainfeil pinata for Demichroma gem prizes, and many other party games.
B It’s trending online: a large and detailed haunted house featuring newly developed Spookbots. These Spookbots will be convincingly dressed as popular monsters from old horror movies from other worlds, such as Frankenstein, Dracula, Bambi, and many more. They may have gotten some wrong information about that last one... Regardless, the locals are loving these monsters judging from the constant screams in the area.
The Spookbots are programmed to execute well-timed jumpscares as you venture in through the creaky floors and barely lit hallways. However, a certain glitch in the Spookbots causes their safety protocols to run on overdrive. This means they may stop mid-scare to suddenly hug and cuddle you, comforting you and whispering sweet nothings in your ear about how you’ll be alright. You’re safe now. No need to be afraid.
Meanwhile, Bambi’s safety protocols will be entirely disabled. The budget might have run out for this one. Should you run into this deer-shaped robot in the dark, it will bare its teeth and attempt to maul you. It might be a good time to run into the safe, protective arms of the Swamp Thing right about now.
The Spookbots are programmed to execute well-timed jumpscares as you venture in through the creaky floors and barely lit hallways. However, a certain glitch in the Spookbots causes their safety protocols to run on overdrive. This means they may stop mid-scare to suddenly hug and cuddle you, comforting you and whispering sweet nothings in your ear about how you’ll be alright. You’re safe now. No need to be afraid.
Meanwhile, Bambi’s safety protocols will be entirely disabled. The budget might have run out for this one. Should you run into this deer-shaped robot in the dark, it will bare its teeth and attempt to maul you. It might be a good time to run into the safe, protective arms of the Swamp Thing right about now.
▶ She Wants to Lead the Glamorous Life
10/14 | top
On the raised stage, Prissy Polyp will be sponsoring a couples costume contest. All participants will walk away with a nice prize of a Halloween-themed “moonlacing” basket: complete with sweet candy-scented lube and scented mood candles, a xeno monster vibrator, edible liquorice lingerie, and a high-end collection of sexy autumn and winter clothing.
You’ll earn more winning points if the costumes are themed together or matching! The top couple costumes will receive four tickets to an all-expense paid vacation to the much coveted Milky Way, a luxury space station which features out of this world cuisine and extremely breathtaking outer space sceneries!
The Milky Way’s facilities include love rooms for couples, a cocktail bar serving the finest liquors, a private pool with crystal-infused waters (it’s said that these waters can invigorate your health and beauty). Only VIPs with tickets are allowed on-board, so only a lucky few get to experience this. It’s the perfect chance to propose with the Rings of Eternal Promise!
C Didn’t bring a costume with you or you don’t know how to design a good set? There’s no need to worry. The doting Lunatians are eager to provide you with advice on how to create a costume set using Chromawear. Just slip it on, close your eyes, and think of what you wish to look like. Your clothing and/or entire form will suddenly match whatever your thoughts conjured up.
The venue around the contest does come with a side effect that affects people within the area which causes those in costume to act more like whatever glamour they chose as the minutes pass on by. It’s for the sake of more in-character photo-ops! Wearing a sexy doctor outfit? You might start taking everyone’s temperature the -ahem- traditional way. Or wearing the ass portion of a donkey costume? Well, let’s just say you’re going to have a rough time.
These side effects will naturally fade away after an hour.
The venue around the contest does come with a side effect that affects people within the area which causes those in costume to act more like whatever glamour they chose as the minutes pass on by. It’s for the sake of more in-character photo-ops! Wearing a sexy doctor outfit? You might start taking everyone’s temperature the -ahem- traditional way. Or wearing the ass portion of a donkey costume? Well, let’s just say you’re going to have a rough time.
These side effects will naturally fade away after an hour.
▶ I’ll Take You to the Candy Shop
10/14 - 10/15 | top
As evening approaches, the dance floor will open for the Oktoberfest midnight parties. Flashing lights will shine across sweaty, gyrating bodies in costumes as the Moonblessed are encouraged to relax and let their hair loose. Among many drinks across the streets, the glowing neon green drink “Witch’s Brew” (despite its name, it does nothing but refresh you) will be served in beakers, while a hearty steam will be released from smoke machines that will subtly encourage the unwilling to join in on the dance.
You will find yourself wanting to embrace the night, bust a move, or go trick-or-treating from house to house until your legs are ready to fall off instead of wanting to go home and hide under the covers.
D You can also make your own customized candy by using the Wonkatron 5000. All you have to do is choose a wrapping, the flavor, the candy type (lollipop, chocolate bar, gum ball, etc.), and optional minor magical effects (love potion, sleepy spell, aphrodisiac, etc. It’s all up to you!).
Once you’re satisfied, watch the machine spit out your completed product. Will the candy be blissfully appetizing or something barely edible? It all depends on your creativity! You can hand them out to your friends or to strangers who come a’knockin’ at your door.
Once you’re satisfied, watch the machine spit out your completed product. Will the candy be blissfully appetizing or something barely edible? It all depends on your creativity! You can hand them out to your friends or to strangers who come a’knockin’ at your door.
▶ Questions
If you have any questions regarding this test drive meme, please ask them in the Questions thread below.
WHO CAN POST? ▶ Test drive memes are for new characters only. Existing players may not post starter threads in the test drime meme. However, current players are more than welcome to use these prompts for their own posts in the IC communities, personal inboxes, catch-all posts, etc.!
IS THIS CANON? ▶ As our test drive memes are game canon, feel free to keep any threads that happen here as canon for your character should they be accepted.
DO I HAVE TO PARTICIPATE? ▶ As always, all content is optional. You do not have to be affected by any of the prompts if you wish to opt out.
FINAL TDM ▶ This will be Prismatica’s last TDM. Thank you to all who participated in our TDMs until now! Starting next month, only the 24th event logs will be scheduled.
WHO CAN POST? ▶ Test drive memes are for new characters only. Existing players may not post starter threads in the test drime meme. However, current players are more than welcome to use these prompts for their own posts in the IC communities, personal inboxes, catch-all posts, etc.!
IS THIS CANON? ▶ As our test drive memes are game canon, feel free to keep any threads that happen here as canon for your character should they be accepted.
DO I HAVE TO PARTICIPATE? ▶ As always, all content is optional. You do not have to be affected by any of the prompts if you wish to opt out.
FINAL TDM ▶ This will be Prismatica’s last TDM. Thank you to all who participated in our TDMs until now! Starting next month, only the 24th event logs will be scheduled.
no subject
[Well, that is cheery Shizusumi, geeze. He does not think it is a constant need for touching but more frequent touching than he is used to.]
If we're going to survive on me petting you and you hugging me, I think we'll struggle. We have to generate it daily or close to it. Chroma is how we pay for everything and stay alive. [Meaning they need it and not in small amounts. Shizusumi pulls his hand back and activates the device. He pulls up his chroma to show Hiiragi. As they stand there not touching after a while, it depletes, not by a great amount as it is a short period of time. Then he reaches out, ruffles Hiiragi's hair again, and it goes up, not as much as it lost, however, as it is a simple, friendly touch. He closes it.]
I think a hug would get more; from what I heard, the longer or more personal the touch, the more it generates and the longer it is before you have to get more. Some people do what they call moonlacing with a lot of people, some with just one.
[Which means they could scrape by most likely on their normal routines. But it would get slim, and they would both probably end up on the cusp of crystallization, finding themselves more sluggish than usual.]
no subject
...What if... the reason Shizusumi is so calm is because he really doesn't have a problem with the terms of their "stay" here?
That's right.... Now that Hiiragi thinks about it, Shizusumi has never been the type of person to express a particular interest in anyone at all. Hiiragi's never seen him date anyone- nor express any desire to. But even so, despite that... Shizusumi is still a red-blooded guy at the end of the day, right? Even if he doesn't say so, it makes sense that he'd have at least some interest in things like dating and "getting intimate" with girls eventually. Hiiragi just didn't think- or, well, he had HOPED that such a day wouldn't come so early. But now, neither of them have a choice. Soon enough, Shizu... is going to go looking for people to "touch", in ways that normal friends do not touch each other. And if Hiiragi were just a normal friend with a normal amount of interest in Shizusumi, maybe he could be reasonably excited about this scenario as well; an excuse to finally take a few steps towards adulthood... But as it stands, Hiiragi just feels scared, and sick to his stomach.
Swallowing back his feelings, Hiiragi forces himself to smile.] O-oh... "Moonlacing", huh..?
So that's... how it is.... [Shit. How would a normal friend react to this situation??? The blond remains frozen for another awkward moment or so before stepping back and clearing his dry throat.] Haha, well, I guess we're... pretty lucky, if you think about it!
I mean, a couple of popular guys like us shouldn't have a problem finding a few girls to get flirty with at all, huh? Getting all the "chroma" or whatever that we need is gonna be a piece of cake, so there's nothing to worry about after all!
[This is the worst.
He's trying to stay calm, but the only thing Hiiragi can think about now is the fact that his only options at this point are to either stubbornly struggle and suffer with his friend during their time in this crazy place... Or, submit to the wills of their alien abductors. Which means possibly going as far as "hooking up" with at least one other person on this planet... And watching Shizusumi go off to be with someone intimately as well. Either way, the outcome is just painful.]
B-but uh, you know... [Hiiragi has to ball his hands into fists just to try and keep them from shaking.] Until we... find people to help us with the more "personal" stuff...
...It... it should be fine if you just stay with me for hugs and touches, right? -Like, only me, I mean...
[A pause, and he averts his gaze nervously.] A- after all, it's not like we'd be doing anything weird! Just a little more of the usual, so... [His voice becomes smaller, more fragile.]
Since we don't know anyone else yet, what do you think... about just using each other for now?
no subject
But they are two human teenagers against aliens; there is not much they can do except comply. But in complying, he feels sick to his stomach because much like Hiiragi is thinking, he thinks the same. The other boy will find someone easy enough. The added encouragement to do so will only help the popular blond move forward with that part of his life. Yes, he knew, staying by the singer’s side as his friend meant facing this one day, but he was not ready yet.
He is not ready yet. He does not want to touch anyone else. But if he touches Hiiragi, how long before what he feels comes to the surface, before even Hiiragi can not miss the feelings inside him, no matter how tight he locks them down. He is scared, more than he has ever been scared in his entire life. Because it is a delicate balance he has created, and he is teetering on the edge of it now. That smile stings. Is Hiiragi thinking about being intimate with some pretty girl? Shizu hates this. He wants to tell the other not to touch anyone but him, not to let anyone but him touch the singer in turn.
But he can’t. He made his choice and needs to stick to that, now is not the time to blurt out sudden confessions.]
I don’t want to flirt with some random girl.
[His head snaps to the side, his mouth purses, shit, shit, shit, he did not mean to say that out loud. That is a small crack, but it is a crack in the armor, and he needs to slam some glue in and patch that real fast.]
It would be a hassle; what if she’s stupid. [Nice recovery, not really, and he knows it’s a fumble, but maybe Hiiragi will miss it? Maybe Shizu can slip back into that quiet, say nothing mode, and they can act like everything is normal?
They are not far off, both hurting, twisting up inside at the thought of the other going off to be intimate with someone. Shizusumi would suffer, get just enough chroma to survive except, if Hiiragi is here, he can not let the other suffer that way; he has to protect him. Even if that means letting him go, but the very thought of it rips Shizu’s heart out. It may not show outwardly, but he feels like needles are piercing his skin, over and over, hundreds of them as they fill him up with a pain he does not want to acknowledge, that he wants to push back and pretend everything is fine. He wants to encourage Hiiragi to find someone because it’s what’s best for him, but Shizusumi, like the asshole he sees himself to hear those last words, and selfishly he grabs ahold of them.
Hiiragi may not know it, but he just threw his friend a lifeline that he is set to choke himself on, and he still does not hesitate to take it.]
That should be fine if it’s what you want.
[Okay, he could have said a million things there. Those simple words hold so many meanings, and yet he does not give them a voice. Instead, he lets sound like the same old sure Shizu will do whatever Hiiragi wants to do, follow along with song and dance. When really, it is so much more. It’s everything Shizu ever wanted and everything he fears all in one. He could have told the other boy the ache he feels to protect him as his voice grows smaller, more fragile. He could take him in his arms and tell him that rather they know a hundred people or only each other; the only person he wants to touch is him. Shizu does none of it, not one of the hundred things he could do.]
no subject
I kinda figured as much... [Looking downward, Hiiragi aims to hide the sadness within his smile.] You don't usually like to get involved with a lot of people, so... Rather than flirt around with a bunch of girls, you'd rather just find one special person you can trust to help you out, right?
I can sorta relate to that, too. [But Hiiragi doesn't just want any special person; the one he wants is right in front of him; standing close- and yet so, so far away. The distance between them, however short, is suddenly so torturous to endure... Hiiragi ends up stepping forward once more to lean his forehead against Shizusumi's chest, head still lowered.] ....Yeah.
That's... what I want. Thanks.... [Shizusumi said exactly what Hiiragi hoped he would; agreeing to stick with Hiiragi alone for just a while longer. But despite the response being in his favor, somehow, the words still cause a dull ache to throb painfully within Hiiragi's chest. "If that's what you want", he says... As compliant as ever. But is he only agreeing to Hiiragi's selfish terms because he can tell that Hiiragi is still very much worried about their current predicament, and obviously still too scared to be alone? Almost certainly.
To be honest, it feels awful to be this person. Selfish to the extent of risking Shizu's happiness for his own needs, clingy, always holding Shizu back because the thought of being left behind by someone he loves yet again is so damn frightening. But... Shizu is all that Hiiragi really has left, really. He wishes that he could be a better, more supportive friend to Shizu- but he can't. Honestly, Hiiragi is a terrible friend when you get down to it; he can never do anything right and always ends up letting his friends down in the end. A good friend would never let their own jealousy and fear become a higher priority than Shizu's safety. The longer Shizusumi stays with Hiiragi, the harder it will be for Shizusumi to build a relationship with someone else before it's too late. Hiiragi knows this, and yet still... He can't let go. Not yet. In fact, if Shizu's going to persist in being so damn compliant, Hiiragi might as well leap over the small inch allotted to him and go straight for the whole damn mile at this point, right?] Um, so...
Since we're here, and we're gonna need to keep touching a whole lot, don't you think we might as well live together too? J-just for now....
I mean, we can literally generate chroma in our sleep if we're laying in the same bed. We could just keep holding each other all night... [Quietly, he adds, in a somber tone that almost sounds like he's pleading.] You don't have to put up with it for too long... I'll leave when you get a girlfriend, so...
Live with me.
no subject
And what hurts the most is the train of thought that Hiiragi is following for him, is the one Shizu is spiraling down in regards to his friend. Can he be so selfish, take advantage of this situation, and take what he so desperately wants, use the excuse to touch Hiiragi? To share a bed with him, to live with him so that every moment they are together, alone with no one or anything to stop them?
Does he hold on that tight, fix himself so quickly to access this energy that Hiiragi doesn’t find someone else? He wants to grab Hiiragi and tell him that he wants to hold him and only him every night for the rest of his life. But he doesn’t.
Instead, Shizusumi does what he always does; he shuts what he feels inside, holds it all in behind a stoic expression and even tone. While inside, he is dying, burning to ashes, and realizing he is more than just an asshole; he is the biggest asshole in the world because he is going to be selfish. He will take advantage of this situation and agree to this; it will seem as if he is following Hiiragi as he always does.
He will be selfish till Hiiragi finds someone else, then as much as it will kill him, the drummer will step aside. His heart is racing in his chest, thumping so hard he is sure Hiiragi can hear it; if he steps in any closer, he will feel it and yet Shizu wants to hold him, beg him to stay with him, much the way Hiiragi is him.
Except he thinks this is just Hiiragi being nervous, worrying that he won’t get enough chroma before he gets a girlfriend and doesn’t need Shizu anymore.]
We can….
[He pauses, should leave it at that, he should not hope for more than what he has, this world is already complicating his life while at the same time giving him his heart’s desire. If he says anything more, will he give himself away?]
It will make it easier till you start dating.
no subject
[That's strange, for Shizu to put it that way. Strange and wrong. Maybe it would be best to just let the comment go without correction, but Hiiragi doesn't want to. So Hiiragi's brow furrows just slightly and he looks up at the other boy with uncharacteristically unflinching seriousness.]
Says who?
I never said anything... about leaving you once I found a girl.
[He wants to make that absolutely clear. Whether he's hooking up with some girl or not, Hiiragi will be damned before he ever risks letting Shizusumi crystalize while he's off wasting time with someone else. Hell no... The end of this agreement isn't up to HIM to decide at all!] Even if I'm using my body... No matter what I have to do with others, I'm not gonna let you suffer alone, Shizu. So... I'll keep supporting you until you don't need me anymore.
For me, you... You're my number one... priority.
[Hiiragi averts his gaze, swallowing tensely as he holds himself back from breaking down. He wants to scream, wants to curse, wants to cry, but instead Hiiragi quickly presses on.] Anyway... I don't wanna talk about girls anymore. We already wasted a bunch of time being apart today, so...
Shouldn't we start holding each other already? We can lay on the couch or something...
no subject
That part makes Shizu want to grab him, shake him, tell him he'll hurt anyone who dares to touch Hiiragi's body that way that isn't him. It makes him want so much, things that he swore he would forever lock away inside of him.
Yet there they are, choking in his throat, threatening already to come out because of this conversation. It's too much; he can not recall ever feeling so overwhelmed in his life. How he maintains that calm, outward demeanor he honestly does not know.]
Don't let people use your body.
[Fuck, fuck, how does he explain saying that, how does he backpedal, Shizu's brain whirls through the possibilities, finally settling on trying to make it sound like a friend.]
You'll want someone you care about. [He swallows, then the rest of what Hiiragi says sinks into his brain, shouldn't they hold each other, they can lay on the couch or something.
The couch should be safer, he knows, he should say no, should point out that they seem okay right now but, he wants this, he wants it so much that finally, he nods his head.]
The couch looks big enough to hold both of us.
[He knows Hiiragi, can read his body language, though he never considers it is because Hiiragi is feeling about him, the same as he is about the other boy. No, he assumes his friend is nervous, seeking comfort. Shizusumi has always been there to be that comfort, so even as it twists like a knife in his chest, he steps past the singer, turns and reaches his hand out for the other boy, he'll guide them to the couch, he'll selfishly take what he wants and hold how he feels inside.
Or at least at this moment, that is his plan.]
no subject
Did Shizu think less of Hiiragi for suggesting that he would allow himself to be "used", while using others in turn? Thinking back on it, maybe the thought is kind of gross... But Hiiragi was only trying to be realistic about the future! After all, if the person he really wants is off-limits, what choice does Hiiragi have but to submit to the wills of their abductors and do whatever needs to be done to survive? Still, Shizusumi's words are effective in making Hiiragi question his own thinking on the matter. The blond winces and lowers his head slightly.]
...O-okay...
[Things got awkward pretty fast, huh? Maybe forcing Shizu to think about his close friend using his body for survival left a really bad taste in the drummer's mouth after all... But thankfully, Shizu at least doesn't seem to be too disgusted to give in and agree to hold the needy bassist as desired. And it's a good thing too, because now more than ever, Hiiragi could really use the physical reassurance. Being in this weird place is confusing and scary- but there's no place Hiiragi feels safer than within the arms of the boy he loves.... -Well, not that Shizusumi really returns the hugs he's given 90% of the time, but y'know. Hiiragi will gladly take what he can get, even if it's just Shizusumi's tolerance.
So Hiiragi follows Shizusumi to the couch. Stupidly, even in this situation, Hiiragi's heart can only flutter at the sight of Shizusumi reaching out to him. And that flutter turns into full pounding throbs when Hiiragi takes that hand offered to him within his own; eyes glued to where their hands are joined. It's so rare for them to hold hands- especially now that they are no longer children... But even so, in the back of his mind, a painful and intrusive thought interrupts Hiiragi's brief moment of happiness.
This might be the last time.
Once they separate, Shizusumi could get taken away at any moment. He's so handsome and cool and kind and amazing- it's only a matter of time before someone chooses Shizu as their ideal source of "intimate touches". The thought makes Hiiragi cringe, but even if Hiiragi does everything in his power to delay that from happening, it's damn-near inevitable, isn't it?
Hiiragi waits for Shizusumi to sit and lean back into the couch, before moving to cuddle up against the other boy's side himself. It's a familiar feeling; Hiiragi has never been shy about demanding Shizu's skinship. Flopping down against Shizusumi at any given moment is such a habit for him now, it's a near daily occurrence. Even if Shizu completely ignores his existence all the while, Hiiragi is more than happy to one-sidedly cling to the other boy whilst being totally ignored..... Usually.
But today, Hiiragi is feeling more anxious than usual. And not even glomping onto Shizu can totally erase his worries, so... After a short stretch of silence, Hiiragi buries his face against Shizu's body and begins to speak what's obviously still on his mind, despite being the one to suggest that they "stop talking about girls" to begin with.] H-hey, y'know, I heard what you said before, but what if... What if I can't do it, though?
What if I never do any "moonlacing" with anyone... Because I can't find a girl I care about in this place?
I mean, it's not like I really wanna turn into some kind of space gigolo or something, you know?? Especially-- [A pause, and Hiiragi lowers his voice into an embarrassed mutter.] Especially not... f-for my first time...
It's just... At some point, I'll probably have to find some people who I at least don't mind using for... like... a k-kiss every now and then, right? If all they're touching is my mouth, then the rest of my body can still be off-limits....
[He hesitantly peeks at the other boy.] What do you think...? If it's just kissing, I think I could probably feel alright with being less picky... Is that okay?
no subject
But because he can not stand the thought of the other looking at someone with the same love Shizusumi feels for him. The thought alone fills him with such deep pain that the shift in his expression could not be helped, he could not hide as efficiently as he usually does.]
Good…
[He is firm in his words, though that hand is meant as a peace offering a way of showing Hiiragi that he is here for him, that he does not need anyone else. Need only me, want only me are mantras in his head. He is such an asshole, so damn selfish to want to do this to Hiiragi. To desperately want to make the other depending on him and him alone for chroma.
As they settle on the couch Shizusumi is inside his head, so much so that he gives in to instinct rather than his usual keep his hands to himself mode and as Hiiragi leans into him, his arm goes up and around the other boy. It even squeezes a little before he catches himself, he does not move his arm but he does not tighten it either.]
Then we'll moonlace together.
[Shit, shit shit, how can he keep hiding like this? It’s not even been an hour and certainly, his heart has to be there on his sleeve, where he has tried so desperately to keep it from being.]
Have you ever kissed anyone?
[He can not talk about this, but it seems better to know, better to hear it than to sit here and stew over what his friend just said. When in truth his reaction is simple, kiss me, don’t kiss anyone else. In fact when he thinks Hiiragi is not looking he darts his tongue across his lips at the thought.
He feels that hesitant peek does his best to do nothing more than the arm already around Hiiragi and the selfish words he has already said. Except, when he feels that peek he looks, and for a moment he just sits there, staring into eyes he knows so well, caught in them in a way he usually does not allow himself to be.]
no subject
Happily indulging himself like this, Hiiragi can already start to feel his worries drift away. He never wants to move away from this exact spot in his life--
"Then we'll moonlace together."
Hiiragi's body bristles, and for a long time he doesn't move or say a word. Until finally-]
Wait-- HUH?!?
[Very belatedly, Hiiragi reacts; popping his head up to look at the other boy. And Un(?)fortunately for him, he does so right on time to see the tail end of Shizu running a tongue over his lips.
So.... It's finally happened. Hiiragi has officially lost his damn mind.
That's the only explanation for it. Because, if he didn't lose his mind, then how could you possibly explain the unexplainable phenomenon of this clearly-hallucinated fantsy-Shizu, casually talking about kissing him??? Hiiragi's eyes are wide as he gawks at the other male wordlessly, flabbergasted. His heart is pounding violently in his chest; so loud he can't even hear himself reply.]
Are you... serious...?
[He'd actually do something like that? Just because Hiiragi is so scared, Shizu would really go this far to protect him...? A mixture of emotions swirl inside of Hiiragi's frazzled mind, confusing him. On one hand he's glad of course- but on the other hand...]
I... [What would be best to say here? Could this be a prank?? Should Hiiragi try to play along and laugh- maybe crack a joke or say something like "in your dreams" in a sly tone before punching Shizu in the shoulder, the way a normal guy friend would? Or maybe-- JUST MAYBE... This isn't a joke? Shizu definitely doesn't seem to be looking at it as one, if that ever-serious expression is to be believed. In the end, all Hiiragi can do is swallow hard before replying shakily-]
...No... I haven't....
[On one shoulder, a little Hiiragi-angel is telling the blond that this is WRONG. Even if Shizusumi was the one to suggest it, he's clearly only doing so because Hiiragi was making such a big deal about potentially being unable to find anyone to moonlace with. It's not right to take advantage of that fact just because Hiiragi can't control his thirst!!!
But on his other shoulder... A little Hiiragi devil is just sitting there, silently, not even bothering to give Hiiragi any advice beyond a knowing look of affirmation. Because it's quite obvious by now that Hiiragi has already make his decision- and it wasn't even close.
Of course he's gonna go for it!!!]
If-- if you're really sure it's okay, then... [Trying his best to sound casual, despite feeling like his own face is on fire from how hotly it's burning with a crimson-red blush.] Yeah, alright. I guess we can be partners...
[Now here comes the million dollar question: WHEN?!?
When are they going to kiss??? It's not like they need to do it right now, so does Hiiragi REALLY have to wait all the way until they're low on chroma before he can go to Shizusumi for something more intimate than just hugging? But that's not fair at all! How can Hiiragi POSSIBLY wait for god-knows-how-long with that kind of temptation in his head!? No-- there has to be something he can do. Even if he has to make up a flimsy excuse... Even if pushing things at this point is dangerous, and runs the risk of being way too soon for Shizusumi's comfort, Hiiragi wants to take that chance.] Hey, so...!
Maybe we should start practicing now? [Hiiragi averts his gaze as he quickly thinks up his excuse.] I- I mean, if we just keep putting it off until we really need to do it, then it might end up feeling so weird that we end up backing down at the last minute, right??
So-so... Maybe... we should just try to get used to it little-by-little first..?
[He doesn't dare to look at Shizusumi's expression. Honestly, Hiiragi couldn't take it if Shizu looked at him with a look of annoyance or disgust after making a suggestion like that. The possibility of getting rejected during such a vulnerable moment is so stressful, in fact, that Hiiragi immediately interjects another suggestion before Shizu can reply-] Oh, uh, and also-- to start out... you can even cover your eyes! Then you can imagine whoever you want to be kissing instead, and you wont even have to think about me if you don't want to...
[Hiiragi raises both hands to cover Shizusumi's gaze; each of his palms laid over the other male's eyes.]
See?? I mean, it's not so weird if we do it like this right...?
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Because, if he can not be there as a friend, as his drummer, then what does he have. He can not lose Hiiragi; the thought alone scares him. Without the other, preferably in this world or their own, he is alone; there is no one else. Yes, Mafuyu is a friend, but this does not change the fact that the only one he truly has, is right here pressed into his side. Silently killing the drummer with how long he takes to respond to the suggestion.
And he so desperately wants to tell him how he feels.
Instead, in his mind, he tries to find any and every way he can keep Hiiragi needing him, to stop him from drifting away and finding a life outside of the music, outside of Shizusumi. He snuggles in closer, and then his head is popped up; Shizu does not look at him not at first, but he can feel that gaze.]
I wouldn’t say it if I wouldn’t.
[Truth the answer is there is very little in this world or any other that he would not do for Hiiragi, except look at him, because if he does right now, every inch of resolve to stay his tongue will dissolve. The sudden shift from full denial to pretending that they can be physically close and only be friends is so startling; he’s still reeling and far too reactive, even if those same reactions are muted in comparison to the boy he loves.
His heart is in his throat; he feels like he can’t breathe while he waits for Hiiragi to finish, to say everything he needs to or wants to say. He most likely could not speak if he wanted to. Breath audibly returns to his lungs when the singer agrees.
But then, much like Hiiragi, his mind races, when do they do this? Do they kiss? What if he forgets and tries to touch Hiiragi. Worse, what happens when he gets aroused from it? Will Hiiragi notice, oh fuck, what has he gotten himself into. How can he possibly be physically close enough to Hiiragi to kiss him?
And not have the other feel his body’s response?
Then the proverbial CD scratch happens, the rest of what Hiiragi is saying sinks in, and he wants it, so desperately, but he is caught there, silent till hands are pressed over his eyes.]
Hiiragi…
[He will not do that to the other, even if perhaps it meant he could hide, because he knows the sensitive blond if his first kiss is done with the thought, he needs to cover the other’s eyes so he can pretend it’s someone else, his heart will break and not even to protect himself can he break the other’s heart.]
I don’t need that…. [He reaches out fingers of one hand circling Hiiragi’s wrists and pulling his hands away, his eyes meet the person who has been the closest to him ever in his life, his free hand reaches up cupping his chin, Shizu turns, leans his body in toward Hiiragi’s, brings his lips to close, and he aches like a starving man with the most delicious meal in front of him as he pauses.
Watching Hiiragi’s response closely.]
Can you do this with me?
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...Is so cool!
Even in a situation like this, Shizusumi is cool, and manly, and kind enough to take it all in stride... So, Hiiragi should try and be cool about it too, right? Yeah.... That's right. Hiiragi will just casually do this as if it was nothing, and then move on from it casually; like any "normal" friend would. All he has to do now is casually... casually... kiss Shizusumi...
But all "cool" leaves Hiiragi instantly, the moment Shizu takes his chin in hand. The blond flinches; his face growing hotter and his heart skipping a beat within his chest. It may seem like mere nerves on the surface at first, but fear isn't the reason that Hiiragi trembles with nothing but a single touch from the other boy. Damn, how the Hell is Hiiragi supposed to get through this without totally blowing his cover!?]
Y-YEAH! [A pause, as Hiiragi realizes he might've shouted in the other boy's face a little there. He tries again, lowering his voice.] Er-
I think so.... I-- I mean, yeah, it's... it's not a big deal... or anything....
[It's the biggest deal! Hiiragi's first kiss is about to happen... With the boy he loves. -In less than ideal circumstances, sure, but now isn't the time to feel guilty! If Hiiragi doesn't take this opportunity, he may never get another chance!
With that in mind, Hiiragi swallows back any thoughts of how weird things may or may not become between them after this, or how "nice" Shizusumi is being for Hiiragi's sake, and leans forward with baited breath. A hand is lightly placed upon one of Shizu's broad, attractive shoulders and his eyes linger upon the other boy's mouth, shyly avoiding his eyes. Trembling lips awkwardly pucker in that "I have no idea what I'm actually doing" kind of way that many first-time kissers do, before finally.... making contact.
And then it's over.
Quickly.
....Far too quickly.
So quickly, in fact, that Hiiragi almost doubts it really happened. He felt the soft sensation of skin for sure, but he was so in his head during that moment, the bassist barely had any time to really register that feeling. Scared to risk anything more "suspicious" than a single smooch, Hiiragi breaks away after giving the other boy a chaste peck on the lips, but... He doesn't go far. He breathes a bit heavily and shakily still; his heart pumping as if he had just run a marathon. Hiiragi should count himself lucky, cut his 'losses' and appreciate Shizusumi's tolerance of him. But instead of moving on with a light joke or being even remotely satisfied, Hiiragi just stares at the other boy with greed and longing behind his enamored eyes. Against his better judgement, face flushed completely red, Hiiragi quietly urges-] A little more...
I think... I need... more practice, actually...
[And then he presses forward once more. But this time, when Hiiragi kisses Shizu, he does so far less gently, as if determined to really feel it; tilting his head while he indulges in tasting the other boy's lips. And he doesn't seem at all willing to pull away any time soon, either...]
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As their lips hover there, as Hiiragi yells in his face, Shizu hates the part of himself that is willingly tainting the sparkle in front of him. That is letting himself touch, pushing himself in, and taking Hiiragi’s first kiss without so much as uttering a word about how he feels.
What is wrong with him? How could he do this? The way he trembles, the tone of his voice, Shizu should let him go. He should stop this now and figure something else out.
Then, there are lips against his; he blinks, his heart-stopping, breath catching in his chest. It should feel awkward. Yet all Shizusumi sees is the boy he loves more than anything, leaning in, his hand against his shoulder. His lips puckered so awkwardly, and he hates everything about himself. The first kiss barely registers; it’s there and gone so fast, an instinct to lean in, to kiss him again, more fully like a rampant wildfire in his veins.
Only the fear of losing Hiiragi holds him back.
Shizusumi believes it’s his twisted desires that make him see that need, that desire behind Hiiragi’s eyes. That Hiiragi wants to practice this the same as he does everything else. He should say no, say it’s not like they have to be perfect at it. He should not pretend that the longing he imagines is feelings in Hiiragi that rival his own.
But once more couldn’t hurt, could it?
It could ruin everything, and yet, he gives a short nod.]
Okay…
[Then his hatred of himself, his doubts, everything melts away, and he can feel Hiiragi’s lips. He can taste him, and Shizusumi can not stop himself; he responds to the kiss, hand sliding from chin to cup Hiiragi’s face, lips parting into the touch. Fighting to hide his eagerness as he fights for this kiss to linger, to last. He does not want it ever to stop, but he also has to stop himself as he leans in more, nearly moving to press the smaller male back into the couch.
His control is so shaky at the moment if this kiss lingers, he may be laid bare for Hiiragi, unable to hide that he wants this, with Hiiragi, he’s not just “nice.”]
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But...
After a short nod, Shizusumi kisses Hiiragi back; his large, warm, calloused hand cupping Hiiragi's face in a way that makes the blond's heart and body throb in a way that is increasingly difficult to ignore. Against his will, Hiiragi ends up softly moaning into the kiss as pleasure takes control; several soft little noises emerging from Hiiragi's throat.]
Mmnh.... nn--! hn.....
[That first awkward kiss of theirs doesn't even compare to the intensity of the second; Hiiragi's hand clutching tightly and trembling upon Shizusumi's shoulder when the other boy nearly leans in far enough for Hiiragi to lose his balance. While he doesn't exactly fall backwards all the way onto the couch, Hiiragi melts so much from the kiss that his spine really would've given out completely if he weren't fully secured within Shizusumi's strong, one-armed embrace. But then Hiiragi goes too far.
As if possessed, Hiiragi's tongue comes forth on it's own to lick against Shizusumi's mouth; aiming to slip past parted lips. Up until that moment they were just sharing a generally moist makeout session of sorts, but it's not until the blond greedily takes it upon himself to to taste the other boy's tongue that the lewd, slippery contact causes Hiiragi to abruptly jolt back to his senses; eyes snapping open as he belatedly realizes what he has done. And... OH, SHIT-- somehow, Hiiragi became a little hard!?]
Fu-- wai...! [Pulling back with a face burning red and his heart sinking, a panicked Hiiragi quickly sputters to try and excuse his actions. At the same time, the hand that was on Shizusumi's shoulder shoots down to try and "discreetly" cover his lap from view before the other teen can notice the effect that their kiss had on his body.] S--Sorry-! Shizu... I didn't mean to-- I just...
I like... ["I like you", is what he wants to say, somewhere deep down. But the words wont come. So instead, Hiiragi swallows and averts his gaze in embarrassment; half-covering his face with his free hand.] I mean... I...
...I really like... [Say SOMETHING!] ...kissing. I- I think.... [Yeah, that's right- it's not Shizusumi that Hiiragi likes! It's just the kissing in general!!]
P-probably because of the chroma! It's... making me feel strange...
[Oh god, is Shizu buying it? Hiiragi is too scared to look him in the eye.] I-it's hot. And my body kinda... tingles inside... when it happens, so... um.... Th-that's the reason why... I was feeling too good.
I didn't mean to do something weird...
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He’s ached too long for this closeness, watched Hiiragi for too long, knowing he could not have him. Could not have more than being at his side as his friend, he accepted that. He swears he did, but as they kiss, Shizu wants more. He wants so much more. More than just what his body is asking for, more than those sounds. He wants to be free to do this, not hide how his heart is racing at every noise from Hiiragi.
The white noise of it all nearly drowning out the other, till that tongue touches his, his rises almost eagerly, a noise almost coming from him. But, Hiiragi pulls back too quickly, breaking the contact, so startingly that while it is no more than the barest of centimeters, Shizusumi does almost go on instinct to lean in and seek that touch out again.
Shizusumi does not realize Hiiragi is not looking at him because at that moment, when he pulls away, and it takes him a second to come back to where he is, who he is, and who he is with. He is not free to go for what he wants.
He says nothing, though his arm falls away, his hand comes down, and Shizu shifts, so he does not look at Hiiragi.
I like
In his head, Shizsumi Yagi hopes for the impossible or at least what he believes to be impossible in his heart. For the words that are said to be “I like you.”
But of course, they aren’t; there’s a sorry, then a litany of words that send tiny stabbing pains into his heart. When he is not looked at for a moment, a pained expression crosses his countenance. Feeling almost like something in him fractures, it’s one thing to know that what he feels is one-sided.
It’s another to share a kiss like that and then be told what he feels is one-sided. He lets Hiiragi ramble a moment, composing himself in that normal silence of his. Finally, he purses his lips, eyes glancing off to the side, shoulders tensing.]
It’s fine, Hiiragi, like you said, you just like kissing, it’s not strange to like kissing.
[No, It’s just strange to like kissing his best friend so much because he loves him and he won’t tell him, Shizusumi is thinking, he’s the only strange one here.]
It’s bound to happen; we don’t have to make a big deal out of it.
[This is the biggest of deals to him, and he hurts himself deeper and deeper with every word.]
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What's... going on?
Why is Shizu in a bad mood?
Again, most people wouldn't recognize it- the guy's face barely moved a muscle, after all- but Hiiragi could tell immediately. It's not like Shizusumi was all sunshine and rainbows before, but now his mood has plummeted significantly; enough for Hiiragi to literally feel the chill of the cold atmosphere around them the moment Shizu removes his arm from around Hiiragi's shoulders and drops the hand from Hiiragi's face. It even seems like... Shizu doesn't want to so much as look in Hiiragi's direction??
Shit, did he see through Hiiragi's lie!? Does he know that Hiiragi enjoyed kissing him because it's him? The thought is terrifying for how vulnerable it makes Hiiragi feel, and yet... If that's the case, what's with this reaction?
Hell-- Even if that ISN'T the case, WHAT THE HELL IS WITH THIS REACTION?!? They just kissed! Shizu was the one to suggest doing so in the first place! And now he's giving Hiiragi the cold shoulder!? Sure, okay, Hiiragi shouldn't have taken it so far with the tongue thing, but he apologized! And before that, Shizu didn't SEEM to be grossed out during the kiss. He even kissed Hiiragi back, despite the fact that he technically didn't need to do anything but sit back and accept it... So doesn't that mean it didn't bother him? Or so Hiiragi hoped. Shizu says "It's not strange to like kissing", so why is he treating Hiiragi strangely..?
Seriously; when someone says that they enjoyed a kiss shared with someone, shouldn't the other person say that they enjoyed it too?!? Unless...
...Unless Shizu really didn't enjoy it?
Hiiragi's heart drops. Ahh... So that's it. Deep down, a small part of Hiiragi foolishly allowed himself to hope that it was possible that Shizusumi would, at the very least, enjoy a kiss on a purely physical level. That's why Hiiragi offered to cover Shizu's eyes before; because he wanted it to be possible for Shizusumi to forget that he was kissing his male friend and simply enjoy some pleasant sensations for a moment.
But it was pointless. Despite Shizusumi's reassuring words, the embrace, the holding of Hiiragi's face, and all those other "signals" that Hiiragi one-sidedly hoped were more significant than they really were, none of it meant anything. Shizusumi... was just playing the part of a "good friend", and Hiiragi allowed himself to get excited all on his own. Literally. Now the residual heat of arousal that Hiiragi was begining to feel during their kiss heats Hiiragi's face with humiliation instead; all those butterflies fluttering around in Hiiragi's stomach twisting into something cold and heavy.
This isn't right. A physical relationship only... kissing each other every now and then, without feelings, just to survive... Hiiragi doesn't want that at all. He thought he'd be okay with enjoying it, even one-sidedly, but Hiiragi was wrong. And instead of giving him comfort, the fact that Shizu keeps enduring everything that Hiiragi wants for Hiiragi's sake alone is more terrible than if he never got to kiss Shizusumi at all.]
Shizusumi... [Hiiragi's tone wavers, his eyes welling up with tears.] Actually...
I don't want to do that with you anymore. [Tears streaming down his face, Hiiragi rises up to his feet.] I'll be fine. So you can stop worrying about me already! You don't... have to be nice to me. I'm--
...I'm going to the bathroom.
[Without looking back, Hiiragi rushes off to make a run for a nearby door; needing to lock himself away for a while.]
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If only he knew that Hiiragi enjoyed that kiss for the very same reasons he did, he’d kiss him again, right here, right now, he’d throw his heart into the singer’s hand. He is that much on the cusp of it as it is, lips still tingling; he can feel the pressure. He can still taste Hiiragi on his tongue, and his body still craves him. It’s an ache that is flooding through him.
That kiss was everything he ever wanted, but thinking that Hiiragi just enjoyed it because it was a kiss, not because it was him, that the other did not feel that same rush of need fill him when they touched. Knowing it and experiencing it are two different things.
In the end, it’s all a colossal misunderstanding, neither of them using the words they should.
But then he can hear the tears in that voice; he does not have to see them, and his head snaps up. Too late, though, he sees Hiiragi’s back as the other is fleeing, and his world shatters. ” I don’t want to do that with you anymore…”
Does he know, is he upset, freaked out because Shizu enjoyed kissing him? Because Shizu loves him or is it because he’s not Yuki, that has to be it, and Shizusumi hates that part of himself that is pissed off at their dead friend for having a love of the only person the drummer has ever wanted for himself. His hand raises toward that retreating back, pain plays entirely, unhidden across his face.
It remains as the door shuts and Hiiragi disappears; it twists into that heart of his and shreds it over and over again into tiny pieces. He hates me, Hiiragi hates me now, replays in his mind over and over again.
He’s lost him, he couldn’t even stay just as his friend, and now he’s lost him. Worse, now he is going to have to watch Hiiragi love someone else, kiss someone else, he’ll have to lay in the other room, hearing those sounds, that happiness, and know that he will be forever alone.
He hates himself more than he hates anything else.
More than that, he hates the him that rises from that couch, goes to that bathroom door. One hundred things he could say as he stands outside of it in silence longer than he should.
Then he speaks. Yet not the words he should. It's as if his self-doubt and broken heart can't hear the part of those words that tell him he hurt Hiiragi because he cares about Shizu.]
I know I’m not Yuki, but I have to be better than dying or a stranger.
[He hates the part of him that is hurting more than anything else because that is the part of him that just said those words to a closed door.]
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In too many ways to count. He fucked up by thinking he could somehow live with the boy he loves without exposing himself in two seconds. He fucked up by taking advantage of Shizusumi's kindness just so that he could experience his first kiss. He fucked up by thinking that getting to kiss Shizusumi in itself was more important than considering the possibility that the physical act alone couldn't satisfy either one of them anyway. Then he fucked up by pushing it too far; getting swept away all on his own, to the point where he foolishly allowed himself to hope that his feelings really could be reciprocated if he just "tried his best".
God, he's an idiot. This isn't some cheesy shoujo manga... Of course things aren't that simple in real life, huh? Maybe if Hiiragi was the type to think things through before taking a leap, he could have seen this coming. But maybe it was, in part, due to all of his time spent watching the happiness of a couple of soulmates like Yuki and Mafuyu together that allowed Hiiragi to believe... that he could really obtain such a beautiful love like that for himself one day.
No such luck.
Shizu is the only person Hiiragi has ever opened up to completely; the only person who gets to see him when he isn't being haughty, or the class clown, or needlessly combative, or cool. With Shizusumi, Hiiragi can be more than that; he can let down his facade and be truly vulnerable. So if Hiiragi can't have his beautiful, romantic love-story with Shizu, would it even be possible for him to experience something like that with anyone else? Is it pointless to even hope for such a thing? -A "soulmate"...
...Ugh. This is all Mafuyu's fault!!! If it weren't for him, maybe Hiiragi could have just stayed happily oblivious to his own feelings forever. He could have just remained Shizusumi's friend; unbothered by the occasional heart-palpitations he would often feel around the other boy because he had just assumed that they must be nothing more than the kind of normal, fully-platonic affections that plenty of guys have for their best friend. Instead, here he is; heartbroken and crying his eyes out in some strange, foreign bathroom. Could it get any worse than this?
Well, apparently it can. Hiiragi figured that Shizusumi would AT LEAST have the courtesy to let Hiiragi get himself back together again after rejecting him like that, but instead Shizusumi can be heard speaking just on the other side of the bathroom door; frustratingly persistent, for someone who doesn't even want to kiss Hiiragi at all. And...
What's this he's saying now??] Yuki....?
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT!?
[He tries to keep the bitterness out of his voice. Tries, and fails. It's not right to blame Shizusumi for his feelings- or lackthereof- but Hiiragi can for sure blame Shizu for not reading the atmosphere! He sighs in frustration, sniffling and wiping his face with one arm.] Never mind, just leave me alone. You heard what I said, didn't you? I told you to quit worrying about me already!
I'm not gonna die. [He pauses.] But I'm also not gonna depend on you anymore. Anyone.... anyone but you is fine. Even if you think it's gross, I don't care! At least if I kiss someone else, there's a chance they'll like it...
[He can feel new tears stinging behind his eyes, but Hiiragi persists in a wavering tone-] That's why.... there's no point in forcing yourself to endure something like this, Shizu. I know that I should appreciate you for even trying to help me... but I hate it.