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01. i blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone i saved in my phone as the karate kid
02. i'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe
03. and by charming i mean he has a horse cock
04. i'm so hungover i literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed
05. text him!
Please don't do that to the fishes.
They're just trying to live their lives.
It probably wouldn't taste good anyway.
They're just trying to live their lives.
It probably wouldn't taste good anyway.
why is ichiro the karate kid whats the missing lore behind this
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necrowed
- 2019-10-21 00:25 (UTC) - Expandone. You could kill me if you wanted? Yeah? So could another human being. So could a dog. So could a very dedicated goose. You're not special. :)
two. Does anyone know how to deal with a flea infestation? Asking for a friend.
three. What do you do if you're addicted to knots? Asking for another friend.
four. You're asking me how many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you? How should I know! You're the one holding out on me.
five. Yeah, sex is great - but have you ever stolen a wild boss from under the noses of 1000+ Glory players?
five, first official meeting of the games are better than sex club
thedarkbond
- 2019-10-21 00:38 (UTC) - Expand1. I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
2. By the way, you're like spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
3 At some point I said I just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for my dead sex life...
4. How did I get up here...did the moons lift me up
2. By the way, you're like spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
3 At some point I said I just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for my dead sex life...
4. How did I get up here...did the moons lift me up
Edited 2019-10-20 23:07 (UTC)
1. Are you alive? Because this is my official "I'm actually alive" text.
2. What happened last night?
3. The neighbors in the apartment above me are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes. Already sounds better than the last one.
4. Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
5. God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
2. What happened last night?
3. The neighbors in the apartment above me are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes. Already sounds better than the last one.
4. Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
5. God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
1) If I had a chroma for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money.
2) Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable Prismagram himbo dude, you win.
3) As my friend who adores me dearly I need you to answer a question. Is Chamillionaire a band, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and extremely time-sensitive.
4) 1: Be cute. 2: Flirt with everyone. 3: Use cuteness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
5) You ran up a 300 ch. bar bill on his tab and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
2) Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable Prismagram himbo dude, you win.
3) As my friend who adores me dearly I need you to answer a question. Is Chamillionaire a band, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and extremely time-sensitive.
4) 1: Be cute. 2: Flirt with everyone. 3: Use cuteness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
5) You ran up a 300 ch. bar bill on his tab and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Edited 2019-10-20 22:40 (UTC)
01. PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
02. Hey, anything can be a weapon if you put your mind to it!
03. [ A photo of a pizza. ]
You and me, let's go.
04. Let's shotgun beers for AMERICA
05. Sky's out, thighs out! ;)
06. [ Or, text her! ]
02. Hey, anything can be a weapon if you put your mind to it!
03. [ A photo of a pizza. ]
You and me, let's go.
04. Let's shotgun beers for AMERICA
05. Sky's out, thighs out! ;)
06. [ Or, text her! ]
1. Fire trucks are here agAIN. It wasn't me this TIME.
2. I don't know if I want to kiss him or punch him in the FACE.
3. Would someone like to explain why I'm missing several SHIRTS?
4. Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individUAL.
5. Thank the gods dogs can't TALK. They see way too MUCH.
2. I don't know if I want to kiss him or punch him in the FACE.
3. Would someone like to explain why I'm missing several SHIRTS?
4. Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individUAL.
5. Thank the gods dogs can't TALK. They see way too MUCH.
1: It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
2: Sorry I interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night.
3: They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
4: The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him.
2: Sorry I interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night.
3: They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
4: The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him.
- 1. what kind of dress can i wear to a party that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
2. At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
3. I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Prismagram is a call for help.
4. You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
5. and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
6. text her!
1. He gave me a beer, patted my head, and called me kiddo.
2. you asked me to be the big spoon when you passed out on the stairs.
3. do you actually like this or are you just trying to get in my pants?
4. I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
5. Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
2. you asked me to be the big spoon when you passed out on the stairs.
3. do you actually like this or are you just trying to get in my pants?
4. I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
5. Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Kicked my front door, tackled my front door, hit the doorknob on the way down, punched my front door, elbowed my front door, in that order.
We thought I'd locked myself out of my apartment and you were trying to get me back into it.
Turns out we got a little turned around walking back and it was the wrong front door.
We thought I'd locked myself out of my apartment and you were trying to get me back into it.
Turns out we got a little turned around walking back and it was the wrong front door.
1. I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
2.That would warm my breasts. In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
3. There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
4.The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
5. I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
6. text her
2.That would warm my breasts. In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
3. There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
4.The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
5. I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
6. text her
Edited 2019-10-20 23:04 (UTC)
1. oh no. not her. her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
2. the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
3. my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
4. it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
5. [or text him]
2. the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
3. my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
4. it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
5. [or text him]
1. My phone says I texted someone at 0400 and said let’s fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
2. Going to jail. Be home late.
3. I’ve achieved a new state of being which is sustained only by coffee and unrelenting rage.
4. We can get business drunk and go play golf.
5. No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
6. text him???
2. Going to jail. Be home late.
3. I’ve achieved a new state of being which is sustained only by coffee and unrelenting rage.
4. We can get business drunk and go play golf.
5. No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
6. text him???
1. i've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, i think i know a little bit about stability and commitment.
2. i have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
3. send me a pic of your kids to remind me why i have morals.
4. unless your apology contains a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, i am not interested.
5. sending me a thank you note for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
2. i have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
3. send me a pic of your kids to remind me why i have morals.
4. unless your apology contains a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, i am not interested.
5. sending me a thank you note for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
1. Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
2. I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction.
3. I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
4. Thought the power was flickering out but it turns out I'm just blinking
5. [text him!]
2. I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction.
3. I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
4. Thought the power was flickering out but it turns out I'm just blinking
5. [text him!]
Edited 2019-10-20 23:19 (UTC)
1. If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
2. I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
3. rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to charity and then gave it back to them
4. awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
5. I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
6. Text her!
(Assumed CR is okay!)
Edited 2019-10-21 00:16 (UTC)
look very few things can compete with a good pair of tits, that's not a moral failing that's just fact
1. I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
2. I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
3. If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
4. Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
5. I caught a rooster roaming Prisma Place then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
2. I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
3. If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
4. Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
5. I caught a rooster roaming Prisma Place then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
1) It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
2) I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
3) what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
4) Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
5) Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
6) I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
2) I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
3) what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
4) Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
5) Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
6) I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Edited 2019-10-20 23:49 (UTC)
1. It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
2. If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money.
3. My apartment stinks of burning failure.
4. I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
5. [Text her, choose your own drunken adventure!]
2. If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money.
3. My apartment stinks of burning failure.
4. I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
5. [Text her, choose your own drunken adventure!]
1. I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
2. Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard, or do you think I'm just getting sick?
3. I said good morning to each one of his abs personally.
4. We've only made out twice. He's taking it slow, but his body is unbearably sexy and I'm on the verge of dying. I just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. Respect me later, I'm not getting any younger.
5. My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique.
6. He kept staring at my ass and repeating "it's just a beautiful piece of artwork."
2. Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard, or do you think I'm just getting sick?
3. I said good morning to each one of his abs personally.
4. We've only made out twice. He's taking it slow, but his body is unbearably sexy and I'm on the verge of dying. I just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. Respect me later, I'm not getting any younger.
5. My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique.
6. He kept staring at my ass and repeating "it's just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I think you have the wrong number, but you might want to consider telling him?
the idea is which one i picked cos the following text is fitting
hoasen
- 2019-10-21 03:11 (UTC) - Expand1) i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
2) so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
3) What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
4) seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
2) so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
3) What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
4) seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i thought of a longer response for this but i believe this should do
diamondfusion
- 2019-10-21 01:01 (UTC) - Expand1. I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can you explain this?
2. I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
3. There's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer.
4. Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
2. I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
3. There's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer.
4. Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
You spent the better part of the evening trying to convince me that it'd be hot. You're welcome.
1) You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic god.
2) Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
3) I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
4) He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
5) text him!
2) Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
3) I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
4) He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
5) text him!
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